Tricks, Wit and Love
by Accio-Snowballs
Summary: Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing meets J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter. Starring Hermione as Beatrice and Fred as Benedick in an AU where Fred and Hermione- witty characters who claim to never want to fall in love- are tricked into falling for each other by their friends. Written in novel format rather than as a script. Rating may change later.


**Summary:**

Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing meets J.K. Rowling's Harry Potter. Starring Hermione as Beatrice and Fred as Benedick in an AU where Fred and Hermione- witty characters who claim to never want to fall in love- are tricked into falling for each other by their friends. Written in novel format rather than as a script.

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**Author's Note:**

Characters are as follows:

Beatrice- Hermione

Benedick- Fred

Hero- Ginny

Claudio- Harry

Don Pedro- Ron

Don John- Draco

Leonato- Arthur

Margaret- Lavender

Ursula- Luna

Borachio- Blaise Zabini

Conrad- Crabbe

Balthasar- Seamus

Seacole- Neville

Oatcake- Lee Jordan

Sexton- Kingsley

Dogberry- Sirius

Verges- Tonks

Friar Francis- Dumbledore

Antonio- Remus

Messenger and 'Boy'- Colin

Innogen- Molly

You don't need to have read or seen the play to understand this, as I've tried to make this as easy to understand as possible. I've altered a lot of the dialogue to make it a bit more modern and wizardy, but it's still recognisable as the original text and some of my favourite lines have remained as the originals. Many characters who are relatives in HP aren't in this: for example, Fred, Ron and Ginny aren't related but Molly and Arthur are Ginny's parents.

Also, as this does follow the play with the above characters, this includes Fremione, Hinny and Blaise/Lavender. Most chapters will be from Hermione's point of view, but if she's not in that scene, obviously it will be someone else's- I'll state who's at the top. The character's thoughts will be shown in italics and with single quotation marks, _'like this,'_ and some of the words that I've chosen to keep are explained in a Foot Note at the bottom.

I'd also like to thank my wonderful beta, Jennifer, who can be found on tumblr as hogwartsproject!

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**Disclaimer:**

Not mine. I'm just a crazy fangirl with a laptop and a hobby.

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**Chapter 1**

Act 1, Scene 1, Part 1: The Letter

Hermione was sat on the grass by the lake, leaning against a tree and re-reading Hogwarts; A History as she absent-mindedly ate an apple. A little way off, Ginny and Arthur were sat at a transfigured picnic table playing chess.

All in all, the day was pretty much the same as all the others had been that summer. The hot weather would have been almost unbearable had it not been for the refreshing breeze that swept gently across the grounds.

As it was still early in the morning, the others hadn't yet found their way outside, so the three by the lake were enjoying the peace.

Hermione looked up from the book as a shadow passed across her, expecting to see Luna or Lavender come to fetch them inside for breakfast. Instead however, she was surprised to see Colin, messenger to the Prince of London.

Colin appeared not to notice Hermione as he made his way over to her uncle, Arthur, bowing quickly before handing him a short note. Arthur took the message and stood, moving away from the table. Hermione caught Ginny's eyes and they held their breath, for they both knew that this note would surely tell them who had won the war that had taken their friends away from them.

"This letter tells me that Ron of London and his men are coming today to Hogsmeade!" Arthur declared

Ginny let out a squeal of delight and jumped up quickly, knocking the chess board over with her elbow.

Hermione rolled her eyes at her cousin, but even she couldn't hide the grin that spread across her face as she tossed her apple core into the lake for the giant squid.

The fact that the letter proclaimed Ron of London instead of his half-brother, Draco, told them clearly that they had indeed been victorious in the war. What's more, their friends were on their way here right now! She wondered how long she would have to get ready.

Almost as if she had spoken aloud, Colin said

"They are very nearby now. He was only nine miles off when I left him."

A quick calculation in her head told Hermione that she'd have just over an hour if they were on foot. She carefully marked her place and closed her well-worn book, absently wondering if she should change into her new dress.

She was snapped out of her reprieve when she heard her uncle ask:

"How many men have you lost in this war?"

She hadn't even considered that some of her friends might not be returning. Quite naive of her really. Panic set in, but was visible for only a split second before her usual mask of mixed humour and haughtiness covered her emotions from Arthur and Colin, however a quick glance over to Ginny showed that she had seen Hermione's slip of composure and was currently experiencing a similar worry.

"Very few, and no-one you'd know." Colin was quick to reassure Arthur.

She and Ginny shared a sigh of relief, but Hermione was still worried for her friends- one in particular- and wanted to check again. She rose to ask but found she had, for the moment, missed her opportunity to ask as her uncle began speaking again. Instead she moved to help Ginny pick up the fallen chess pieces.

"A victory is twice as joyful when everyone returns at the end of it." He said wisely.

'_Very true' _Hermione thought._ 'Provided you were supporting the victorious side. If you were on the losing side and all their side survived when your own friends didn't, it would just make their victory twice as depressing.'_

Arthur was looking down at the letter again.

"It also says here that Ron has given many honours to a young man from Surrey named Harry."

Hermione looked up sharply from the chess pieces at Ginny's quick in-draw of breath at Harry's name. The cousins had known Harry and many of the other soldiers for years before the war, and Hermione had always suspected that Ginny harboured a crush on Harry, but only now did her blushing cheeks confirm it.

Unfortunately she was again prevented from commenting by Colin replying to her father.

"Honours which are very much deserved, Sir, as Ron has recognised. He has done far more than anyone expected of one so young- like a lamb fighting as well was a lion. I can't even begin to describe the things he has accomplished!"

Hermione could tell from his tone and his words of praise that Colin was very much in awe of Harry. Not that it took much.

'_Maybe Colin would become Harry's protégé?' _she wondered.

Having finished clearing up the chess pieces, Hermione placed the box alongside her book on the table and then followed her cousin over to stand closer to where Arthur was talking to Colin.

"His uncle here in Hogsmeade will be happy to hear it." Arthur replied.

Hermione had a vague recollection of a goat-loving bartender with a long grey beard in the village being somehow related to Harry, and presumed this must be the uncle they spoke of.

"I have already delivered a letter to his uncle, and he was so happy he became quite emotional!"

_ 'Probably all the Firewhiskey.' _ Hermione thought to herself. Her accompanying snort of amusement earned a raised eyebrow from Ginny.

"Did he cry?" her uncle asked

"Yes, like a waterfall." Colin replied solemnly

"An understandable reaction." said Arthur, a twinkle in his eye giving away his serious tone. "No face is more honest than one washed in tears. It is much better to weep with joy than to find joy at weeping." Arthur's wise tone resumed.

Hermione couldn't hold back her worry anymore.

"Has Signor **Montanto*****1** returned from the war?" she asked.

Although she was still more than slightly worried over the answer to her question, her mask of wit and sarcasm allowed her to hid from all but her cousin, whom was also her best friend, the true panic she had been feeling ever since her uncle's earlier question.

She would never admit it to anyone- not even Ginny and certainly not to the man himself, but she still harboured deep feelings for the man who had broken her heart all those years ago. No-one ever spoke of it, and she doubted most people knew they had ever felt anything for each other apart from the façade of disdain and battle of wits they exhibited in public. Not even Ginny knew how much he had hurt her.

However it appeared that the wit she had used to cover her panic was too clever for the young messenger, as he looked at her in a very confused manner before replying:

"I don't know anyone called **Montanto*****1**, Lady. There was no-one in our army with that name."

_ 'Well of course there isn't, that's not his name! It's called sarcasm!'_ Hermione thought, slightly irritated that she still didn't have her answer.

She opened her mouth to reply but Ginny beat her to it.

"My cousin means Signor Fred of Devon." Ginny said with a smirk.

_ 'See, she got it! I bet Fred would have got it too…' _ That line of thought was cut off when she caught Ginny's eyes, which held entirely too much understanding, knowledge and humour for Hermione's liking. She fought against the blush she could feel rising across her cheeks.

"Oh yes, he has returned, and is as pleasant as he always has been." Colin replied.

Relief flooded her even as she raised a sceptical eyebrow as the comment about him being pleasant. She decided in a split second which story would best show exactly how 'pleasant' Fred really was.

"He once put up a notice in Hogsmeade challenging Mr Zonko to a prank war, and my uncle's jester, George, accepted the challenge on Zonko's behalf only to be thoroughly beaten on the very first day!" she exclaimed, remembering perhaps a little too fondly the mischievous glint Fred's eyes took on when he was planning a prank.

She quickly hurried on.

"But tell me, how many has he injured in this war? For I promised to finish his injured." She said with half a smirk.

"Niece, you criticize Signor Fred too much!" a chuckle betrayed Arthur's harsh words. "But he'll do the same to you no doubt." He acknowledged with a small sigh and an almost fatherly smile.

Colin however still didn't quite seem to grasp that she was- for the most part- joking, as he rushed to defend Fred from his would-be criticizers.

"He has served well in this war, Lady." He earnestly assured them all.

Hermione didn't doubt it, but she still felt the need to poke more fun at Fred.

"You had stale food and he helped to eat it: he is a very brave trencherman; he has an excellent appetite." Her tone gave away the joking behind her words and her eyes clearly showed her amusement to anyone who bothered to look.

Colin relaxed slightly, finally noticing the joking behind her words, but instead of encouraging his own wit, it seemed to serve to make him all the more eager to needlessly argue Fred's case.

"And a good soldier, too, Lady!"

Hermione couldn't resist twisting his words.

"He is a good soldier to a Lady: but what is he compared to a Lord?" she couldn't resist another half smirk.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw that Ginny was stifling a giggle, while her uncle simply rolled his eyes and turned away to pick the chess set and her book up off the table.

Colin looked slightly confused for a moment before answering slowly:

"A Lord to a Lord, a man to a man;" He speed up to normal pace as he began to gain confidence "and stuffed with all honourable qualities."

'_He's making this too easy.'_ Hermione thought. _'At least with Fred it's more engaging!'_

"It is true!" she exclaimed. "Indeed, he is no less than a stuffed man, but as for the stuffing…" she trailed off. "Well. We are all human." She finished, a twinkle in her eye and a soft, half-smile on her face.

Arthur cut in before Colin was able to reply, intending to end Hermione's comments as he could see she was just confusing Colin, but she was far from done.

"You mustn't mistake my niece, Sir. There is a kind of competitiveness between Signor Fred and her: they rarely agree, and there's a battle of wit between them." Arthur gently explained to the bewildered Colin.

_ 'How wrong you are, uncle'_ Hermione thought. _'Well, not about the competitiveness,' _she frowned _'but we often agree on most things. That's half the problem.'_ She still felt the need to aim another jibe at Fred however.

"Alas, he gains nothing by it. In our last conflict four of his five wits were lost, and now is the whole man run with one- so if he has enough wit left to keep his sanity, let his keep it so that there is a difference between himself and his horse; for being known as a reasonable creature is the only dignity he has left!" She said with a small chuckle. By this point Ginny was laughing so hard she was almost crying, yet somehow managing to remain practically silent at the same time.

_ 'Okay maybe that was slightly harsh…Wait! I wonder… Would I seem too interested if asked? I don't think so, not if I'm careful…'_

"Who is he friends with now? Every month he has a new friend whom he has sworn brotherhood to."

_ 'Way to be subtle Hermione!' _she thought. Luckily no-one seemed to notice- even Ginny was still too busy recovering from her laughter to have noticed.

"Is that possible?" asked a wide-eyed Colin.

_ 'Oh for once just answer the question!'_ she thought.

"Very easily possible: his loyalty is as fickle as the fashion of his hat; it changes with each new style." She thought she did quite well to manage such a polite, calm tone when really the young messenger was frustrating her even more than Fred did.

"I can see, Lady, that the gentleman is not in your good books." Colin remarked, seeming pleased with himself for his observation.

'_Yes, that's what you're meant to think. But please, just answer the question!'_ She could feel herself reaching the end of her usually quite mild temper. '_Strange- normally my temper is only sparked by someone insulting Ginny. They can insult me all they wanted, but one word against her at the wrong moment and boy would they be sorry! The only other thing that usually makes me lose it is when someone assumes I need a husband to make my decisions for me or to be happy. I'm perfectly fine on my own thank-you very much! Unless Fred would- NO! I'm fine on my own!'_ She forced herself to swallow her frustration.

"No, and if he were, I would burn my study. But I ask you, who is his companion? Is there no young aspiring prankster now that would follow him to the devil?"

'_Really, I should be an actress!' _she thought

Colin finally seemed to understand that he was actually required to answer the question, and quickly answered:

"He is most in the company of the right noble Harry."

_ 'Oh yes, I remember them being friendly before. I didn't realise they were that close though. Oh bother. That meant that if Ginny decides to peruse her crush on Harry- which she surely will, now that the war was over- I'll be forced to spend more time with Fred! As if things could get anymore awkward between us, now we're going to have to sit and watch while our friends are trying to flirt! Maybe I could convince Ginny to only hang round with Harry if either Fred or I aren't there? Having said that, Fred doesn't tend to spend much time on his own- he's always with at least one of his mates! In fact…"_

"Goodness, he will hang around him like a disease! He is quicker to catch than the plague, and the patient soon runs made. Lord help the noble Harry! If he has caught the Fred, it will cost him £1000 to be cured!"

As she spoke, she and Ginny looked at each other and found they could no longer hold back their laughter. They gravitated closer as they both burst out laughing.

At least Colin had finally regained his smile.

"I will stay friends with you, Lady." He said, in a tone that suggested politeness rather than sincerity.

Still, in between laughs Hermione managed to get out a, "Do, good friend," as she clung to Ginny's arm and Ginny grasped her back to keep themselves from doubling over with laughter.

By now, Arthur was also chuckling slightly, although in a far more dignified manner, as her stated,

"You will never run mad niece."

"No, not 'til a hot January." She agreed, managing to recover enough to take her book and the chess set from her uncle.

Ginny too calmed down, and through eye contact alone, the girls agreed to head up to the castle to freshen up before their friends arrived.

Luckily, Colin seemed to understand that they wanted to leave, as he turned to Arthur, saying,

"Signor Ron is almost here." Before he bowed again, then returned the way he had come.

Hermione and Ginny also spared the time to wave to Arthur before rushing up to their room to get ready, once again in fits of giggles as they remembered Colin's confused face.

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**Foot Note:**

*******1** the word 'Montanto' refers to the stabbing of a sword, and Beatrice/Hermione is probably using it to refer to Benedick's/Fred's skills as a soldier/dueller, or to his sharp, cutting wit and sarcasm.

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**Author's Note:**

Ok that's it for this chapter! Next chapter will include the arrival of the boys and a battle-of-the-wits between Hermione and Fred, so stay tuned! I hope to post the next chapter in about a week.

Thanks again to Jennifer, my wonderful beta! Her tumblr account is hogwartsproject and mine is accio-snowballs, so be sure to check out both our accounts!

Please leave a review to tell me what you thought- doesn't have to be long but any feedback is much appreciated! That's all for now.

Rachel xxx


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